A Very Potter Sequel
by KeepCalmAndWarbleOn
Summary: Dialogue and Songs from A Very Potter Sequel  DISCLAIMER: I do not own Starkid or any of this. I did this so people could have the words and songs for their own.
1. Chapter 1

A Very Potter Sequel

Lyrics and Dialogue

Order according to YouTube

Act 1 Part 1

Lucius: You're late.

Yaxley: Late. What's it matter? Look at this morning's prophet! "The boy who lived does it again, the dark lord dead for good." I knew it! We backed the wrong side, AGAIN!

Lucius: Calm yourself, Yaxley.

Yaxley: All us death eaters are going to Azkaban now! NOOO, NO, NO, NO!

Lucius: Do you have what I sent you for or not?

Yaxley: Yeah, I got it. I had to break into the ministry for it, but I got it.

Lucius: Excellent.

Yaxley: And you should see the ministry, the dark lord dead not more than a day and they've already got the wizard cops out after us.

Lucius: Darn (more colorful wording used) those wizard cops! Well, none of that matters anymore as long as we have this.

Yaxley: Who do you think you are? We don't stand a chance against the wizard cops, not even you Lucius Malfoy.

(Singing)

Lucius:

Don't ever tell me what I can't do  
>I'd watch my tongue if I were you<br>for all we know, you-know-who  
>could be watching us<p>

(Spoken)

Yaxley: He can't be, he's dead!"

(Singing)

Lucius:

That's never stopped our plans before!  
>You've no idea what I have in store!<br>You really think that you'd be at my door  
>if we had nothing to discuss?<br>He may be gone, but that is just as well...

So come inside, don't you fret  
>for it's not over yet!<p>

Death Eater Chorus:

Evil plans!  
>We are making evil plans!<br>Evil deeds with evil hands!  
>We love making evil plans!<p>

(Spoken)

Death Eater 1: Lucius Malfoy, why have you called us here?

Death Eater 2: What do we do Lucius?

Death Eater 3: There's nothing to do, the dark lord is dead! Harry Potter wins, end of story.

Lucius: Yes I know, I know. He marries Ginny, they live happily ever after. There is literally no way to move forward from this point.

Yaxley: Then why are we all here?

Lucius: I was just getting to that. HARRY POTTER! We're in this sorry state because of him. And to think of all the chances we had to destroy him, why if we had destroyed him at his first year at Hogwarts, we'd be ruling the world right now.

Death Eater 1: Yes Lucius. No one is arguing that.

Death Eater 2: What does it matter? We can't change the past.

(Singing)

Lucius:

Oh? I know it seems impossible, we've been thrown off our track.  
>But if we can't move forward, why shouldn't we move back?<p>

Friends and companions of evil and sin:  
>Think not of loss, but a new way to win.<br>For what is present without a beginning  
>to start it all?<p>

(Spoken)

Yaxley: Go on…

(Singing)

Lucius:

There is a boy that everyone knows;  
>The plan is simple: I propose that<br>we choke the weed before it grows  
>up and ends it all<p>

Do you follow me?

(Spoken)

Death Eater 1: No

(Singing)

Lucius:

The Dark Lord would have survived, had they never met...

(Spoken)

Death Eater 1: So you're saying that he wouldn't be destroyed?

(Singing)

Lucius: He'd be alive, what don't you get?

(Spoken)

Death Eater 3: Still not understanding…

(Singing)

Lucius: With Potter gone, the future will be set.

(Spoken)

Death Eaters: Aaahhhhh!

(Singing)

Lucius: …So it's not over yet!

Death Eaters:

Evil plans!  
>What a brilliant evil plan!<br>Malfoy, you're an evil man!  
>We love making evil plans!<p>

(Spoken)

Lucius: So it is decided! We shall use this time turner to go back in time to Harry Potter's first year at Hogwarts. We'll destroy him before he ever gets a chance to destroy us! My friends, I think we're going back! Who's with me?

Death Eaters: YEAH!

(Singing)

All: Our history is nothing more than what the losers settle for

Lucius: So look alive, and don't forget that it's not over

All: It's not over, No, it's not over yet!

All: *Evil laughter*

*Music Break*

Conductor: Platform 9, Platform 10, nothing in between.

Harry: Can someone tell me how to get to Platform 9 ¾?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I didn't put a disclaimer in the last chapter cause I'm kinda new to this so…**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Starkid or the dialogue or the music. I wish I did, but I don't. **

A Very Potter Sequel

Lyrics and Dialogue

Act 1 Part 2

Harry: Excuse me, sir! Can you tell me how to get to Platform 9 ¾?

Conductor: Platform 9 ¾? There ain't no such thing! You're the 700th kid to ask me that today and I still refuse to believe that it exists.

Harry: Sir, you gotta help me. I just ran away from my mean aunt and uncle. They keep me under some stairs. Listen, you gotta believe me. I got this letter from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft, WAIT SIR! LISTEN PLEASE, A BIRD GAVE IT TO ME...Yeah, right. Hogwarts.

Mrs. Weasley: Oh! Hurry kids! We're gonna miss the train! Come on Weasleys! BILL!

Bill: Yo, yo Ma

Mrs. Weasley: Charlie!

Charlie: Hi Mommy.

Mrs. Weasley: Percy!

Percy: Hello Mother.

Mrs. Weasley: Fred & George!

Fred: But I'm George.

Mrs. Weasley: Nice try. You got an "F" on your shirt dumbass.

Mr. Weasley: Oh boy! Real muggles! Everybody say "Chocolate frogs!" I THINK I GOT IT! Oh boy this is silly.

Mrs. Weasley: Oh Arthur. Stop fiddling with that muggle picture maker.

Mr. Weasley: Alright dear.

Mrs. Weasley: Where's Ron with your sister?

Ron: Did somebody say Ron?

Mrs. Wesley: Ronny, hurry, you're gonna miss your train!

Ron: Well, I'm tryin' to go faster but I got this idiot little sister!

Mrs. Weasley: Oh Ronny, apologize to your idiot sister!

Ron: NO!

Mrs. Weasley: Oh, you're gonna get it!

Mr. Weasley: Alright gang, Alright! It's picture time! This is Ronny's first day at Hogwarts, so here we go!

Mrs. Weasley: Oh it's so cute!

Mr. Weasley: Alright, smile now and…I GOT IT! This'll be a good one!

Harry: Excuse me, sir?

Mr. Weasley: Yes, my dear boy?

Harry: I couldn't help but overhear you say something about Hogwarts, can you tell me how to get to Platform 9 ¾?

Mr. Weasley: Platform 9 ¾? Why, it's right through that brick wall!

Harry: What?

Mrs. Weasley: Oh…Arthur. He doesn't know, must've been raised by muggles.

Harry: Wha-what's a muggle?

Mr. Weasley: WHAT'S A MUGGLE? Why it's a wizard who doesn't…I mean…It's a wizard who can't…he doesn't know what a moogle is.

Mrs. Weasley: A muggle is non-magical person. I'll tell you what, you stick with Ronny over there, it's his first year at Hogwarts too. ALRIGHT WEASLEYS IN YOU GO!

Mr. Weasley: Alright gang. Come on!

Mrs. Weasley: Ginny dear, Ginny dear, you come with me. Ginny, leave the boys alone. You can go to Hogwarts next year.

Ron: Yes, at last, FREEDOM! God, I hate my stupid little sister! Ugh! She's just such a…such a…

Harry: Butterface?

Ron: Hehehe, You know what kid? You're alright! I'm Ron Weasley. Hey! Do you want a delicious Red Vine?

Harry: Absolutely

Ron: Well, hey. Here you go, good buddy!

Harry: Red Vines. There like my favorite snack in the whole world.

Ron: Oh my god, me too, alright…favorite Aimee-Man song on three. 1…2…3

Both: Red Vines.

Harry: Favorite color vines other than green.

Both: Red Vines.

Ron: Favorite way to say "red wines" in a German accent.

Both: Red Vines. OH MY GOD!

Ron: Where have you been all my life?

Harry: Oh! In a cupboard under some stairs!

Ron: That's so cool. Alright well, come on friend. Let's go to Hogwarts. We just gotta go through that brick wall.

Harry: That sounds kinda scary.

Ron: Hey, it's okay. We can do it together. Wanna hold hands?

Harry: I'd love that.

Ron: On the count of three.

Both: 1…2…3…AHHHHHHH!

Ron: That's a big brick wall!

Percy: All aboard gang! Hogwarts Express!

Ron: Alright, let's go get a seat pal!

Harry: You got it!

Ron: Hey, pal, that's a pretty cool headband you got there.

Harry: Aw, thanks. I wear it to cover this gross scar I got when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when we crashed…into a crocodile…my parents got eaten…but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar. At least that's what my liar aunt and uncle told me, so.

Ron: Well, that sucks. Can I see it?

Harry: Uh, yeah, sure. There it is…what?

Ron: Oh my god, your Har…your Har-Har…

Seamus: Bloody 'ell! It's Harry Potter!

All: YAY!

Seamus: Seamus Finnagan, Mr. Potter. I'd say meeting like this is a real treat?

Dean: Yo what up man, my names Dean Tomas. You want some bubblegum?

Neville: Will you sign my Harry Potter poster, Mr. Potter?

Harry: Uh, yeah, sure. Uh, okay, who should I make it out to?

Neville: Neville Longbottom, sir.

Harry: Okay, Shlongbottom.

Cho: Ni hao Harry Potter, my name is Cho-Chang. You should visit the Ravenclaw house sometime.

Harry: Ron, What is going on? Everyone is treating me like I'm famous or something.

Ron: But Harry, YOU ARE!

Harry: What?

(Singing)

Ron: You're Harry Freakin' Potter!  
>You don't understand<br>you're a legend, man,  
>to us all!<p>

Every son and daughter—

Ron & The Kids: [spoken] "SAFE!" 

RON:  
>... From You-Know-Who,<br>all because of you!  
>You were small,<br>but I wonder if you can recall...

[CHORUS: Oooo...]

Ron:  
>Long story short,<br>this guy,  
>[whispered] "Voldemort"<br>was super cruel...

Harry: [spoken] "Voldemort?"

The Kids:

[GASP!] "SHHH!"

Chorus: Oooo...

Ron:  
>... Tried to kill you &amp; your parents,<br>and this is where it gets intensely cool...

Even though you were a tiny little boy,  
>you shoulda died but you survived and then destroyed<br>this evil guy and it's story we enjoy to tell...

Ron & The Kids:  
>You're Harry Freakin' Potter!<br>We don't prefer Gandalf,  
>Merlin, or Oz,<br>You're a whole lot hotter!  
>With that lighting scar,<br>you're a superstar to us all!  
>If we're in trouble we know who to call!<p>

(Dance Break)

Rita Skeeter:  
>You're Harry Freakin' Potter!<br>I wouldn't wince at all,  
>you're invincible to all harm!<p>

Like betty crocker-

Rita Skeeter & The Kids:

[Oooh!]

Rita:  
>... I wanna eat you up!<br>No one'll beat you up  
>with that charm!<br>Remember, Harry, kid,  
>you're the Boss,<br>you're the King,  
>you're the Bomb! <p>

(Spoken)

Harry: This is all too much to take, I mean this is all so unreal!

Ron: No it's not! You're Harry Potter! You're the coolest goddamn kid in the entire world! Everything's awesome for you, so you better get used to it!

(Singing)

Harry:  
>But this is all so sad,<br>I mean, my Mom and Dad  
>were killed, long ago...<p>

The Kids:  
>[Long ago they died!]<p>

Harry:  
>... I wanna be psyched,<br>but being unliked  
>is all I know... <p>

Chorus:

[... All he knows, that's why-]

Harry:  
>I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate,<br>an opportunity eleven years late...  
>I guess it's time for me step up to the plate<br>and show 'em that I'm something great!

I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!  
>I'll do what I can<br>if what you say I am is true!

I can't be bothered  
>by my awful past,<br>I've found at last  
>something I can do,<br>so it's time I knew  
>exactly who I am...<p>

I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!

The Kids:  
>You're Harry Freakin' Potter!<p>

Harry &The Kids:  
>I'mYou're Harry Freakin' Potter-

Harry:  
>... And I'm the Man!<p>

The Kids:  
>[Ahhhhhh]<p>

Harry & The Kids:  
>[spoken] "HARRY FREAKIN' POTTER!"<p>

**A/N: Seven pages and 1,249 words. Wow.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Starkid or A Very Potter Sequel. :'( I wish I did.**

A Very Potter Sequel

Lyrics and Dialogue

Act 1 Part 3

Ron: *unlocking lock noises*what's up good buddy?

Harry: Hey Ron.

Ron: Who's this guy?

Harry: I dunno he was here when I got here, he's asleep, but I think he's homeless.

Ron: Gross. Um, we kinda got separated at the train station and uh, you forgot this.

Harry: You know what man; everybody in the wizarding world loves my scar, why don't you keep it?

Ron: Really? Wow.

Harry: Looks good, man.

Ron: Thanks. Damn it, now I wanna give you something! Umm...

Harry: No it's okay.

Ron: Let me see…uh…Oooh! Do you wanna rat?

Harry: AHHH!

Ron: AHH! It's my rat.

Harry: Oh your rat.

Ron: His name's Scabbers and he's been in my family for like a hundred years. In fact, I think my parents found him the same night your parents died.

Harry: Weird.

Ron: I know, weird. Hey! Do you want a Burty Bott's Every Flavored Candy Bean?

Harry: Sure.

Ron: They have every flavor in the entire world. They even have a poopy flavored one, but it's so rare you'll never be lucky enough to get it. What'd ya get?

Harry: Broken computer

Ron: That's gross. Can't even remember the last time I got a candy flavored one.

Harry: What'd you get?

Ron: Defeat. Well I give up on these. Hey! Why don't we wash these beans down with some of the greatest snacks in the entire world? RED VINES! I got them right here in my bag, uhh…

Ron & Harry: AHHH!

Hermione: Crushanks! Oh, bad kitty. Sorry! Sometimes just crawls into the darnedest places.

Ron: It's okay, just next time…OH MY GOD, Night troll!

Hermione: I'm not a night troll, I'm a little girl! My name's Hermione Granger.

Ron: Ugh.

Hermione: Jiminy Crickets…You're Harry Potter.

Harry: Oh yeah! Weird…

Hermione: I'm such a big fan. Say would you sign my petition?

Ron: No, no! He doesn't want to!

Hermione: Ah! I'm collecting signatures for house elf suffrage. You see I just think that it's awful that some creatures in the wizarding world aren't treated equally. Just because they were born as ugly sickly little creatures with big dumb noses and I think that we, I mean the elves are just as good as anybody, not to mention the world just isn't maid for those little guys. Did you know over 600 house elves die in toilet related incidents every year?

Harry: Stop talking. Um…I'll sign it, just don't send me an email.

Hermione: Oh no! I won't. Thanks Harry.

Harry: There you go. Hey! Are we the first people you asked, there's only one other name on here.

Hermione: That is my name.

Harry: Oh! Well then there you go, Her-mi-one.

Hermione: Wow. So Harry Potter, did you really grow up in the muggle world?

Harry: Yeah. Found out I was a wizard like 2 minutes ago. Weird…

Hermione: Yeah. I grew up in the muggle world too. My parents are muggles, muggle dentists.

Candy Lady: Candy from the trolley?

Hermione: Am I ever so excited to finally go to Hogwarts!

Ron: Yeah, that's cause Hogwarts is the best place in the entire world.

Hermione: Yeah, and to be taught by so many great witches and wizards like Albus Dumbledore.

Harry: Who the hell's Albus Dumbledore?

Ron: He's only the bestest most bravest

Hermione: Most Wisest, most talented

Ron: Beautiful

Hermione: Most beautiful wizard that ever lived

Candy Lady: Candy from the trolley!

Hermione: And my dream of dreams is to someday graduate top of my class

Candy Lady: Candy from the troll-!

Death Eater: Candy from the trolley?

Ron: Yes! At last!

Hermione: My parents say that candy's bad for your teeth.

Death Eater: Avada-

Lupin: Expeliamous!

Hermione: Ahh!

Death Eater: AHHHH!

Lupin: Take that you bastard ass! Oh god dammit. Well at least I still have a. Oh…no…what? Where'd it go? Oh. Oh shit. Oh that's pee. Wait was I drinking pee? You must be Harry Potter.

Harry: I…what…you…YOU JUST KILLED THE CANDY LADY! NO!

Hermione: AHHHHHH!

Lupin: Stop it! Kids! Don't be afraid of me! I'm not dangerous and I'm not homeless…anymore. My name is Remus Lupin and I'm your new defense against the dark arts teacher, and that so called "Candy Lady" was a death eater. She was about 2 seconds away from killed you, your friend and his pet night troll. Give me that!

Harry: What's a death eater? What is that?

Lupin: It's a servant of you-know-who. I figured a few of 'em might show up when they learned that Harry Potter was headed to Hogwarts. They can be real *colorful wording chosen* heads.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: *gasp*

Lupin: What's the matter with you guys? Oh shit!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: *gasp*

Lupin: You guys are kids, gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: *gasp*

Lupin: I'm sorry. Shoot, gotta watch my damn mouth 'round you little bastards.

Ron: Hey, looks like the train stopped. We're here!

Lupin: Listen this year; I don't want you to worry about Death Eaters or that Sirius Black or werewolves or anything else that could kill you right now. Alright 'cause as long as your at Hogwarts with me and Headmaster Dumbledore there to protect you, your perfectly safe. Trust me Harry. No one at Hogwarts hates you.

Snape: What the devil is going on here?


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Starkid or A Very Potter Sequel. I wish I did though…**

A Very Potter Sequel

Lyrics and Dialogue

Act 1 Part 4

Snape: Get off the train! Why Remus Lupin…

Lupin: Serverus Snape

Ron: That's Snape, he's evil.

Snape: Get off, the train. Not, you boy. You sit. So you must be Harry Potter, I can tell that just by not talking to you you're a no good, good for nothing nobody like your father.

Lupin: You know what. Just leave the poor kid alone. Okay? God, you haven't changed at all since our school days at Hogwarts. Hey Harry. Don't pay any attention to Sour Grape Snape!

Snape: How dare you speak that name?

Lupin: I've said it before, Snape, and I'll say it again. You always have been and you always will be a BUTT TRUMPET! You know why? 'Cause you've got a trumpeting butt!

Snape: No I haven't

Lupin: YES! *makes fart noises*

Snape: Stop it! Stop that!

Lupin: Hey guys I'm Servers Snape!

Snape: No he's not! That doesn't sound anything like my butt!

Lupin: Ha! Who looks stupid now? You do.

Snape: Alright! We're both adults now. I demand you stop acting like a child or I'll tell Dumbledore and have you expelled.

Lupin: I don't think so Snape 'cause I'm a teacher now. You can't expel me. I'll expel you, in fact! YOU'RE EXPELLED! I just expelled you!

Snape: What? That's absurd! You can't expel me, we can't expel each other! Can we?

Lupin: I won't pretend to know.

Snape: Well, then I will. Snape VANISH!

Harry: Woah! What a jerk!

Lupin: Yeah, but listen Harry. Don't let him bother you, okay? You're finally where you belong, at Hogwarts, the place where your parents spent the best years of their lives, so go on Harry. Go and find what you were always meant to be and the home you never knew you had.

Harry: I'll see ya Lupin!

Lupin: See ya at class Harry.

Harry:

"Home."  
>I've heard the word before,<br>but it never meant much more  
>than just a thing I've never had.<p>

A "place,"  
>They say, "Hey, know your place!"<br>But I've never had a place to even know,  
>or a face that I could go to<br>if I needed someone there...

I'm laughing  
>it's hard to hide a smile<br>My god, it's been a while  
>since I have had a reason to.<p>

To think  
>it's been here all along<br>somewhere to belong,  
>and a reason,<br>a something-to-believe-in

I've finally found it,  
>a place where I'm wanted...<br>This must be how it feels to have a home 

I used to dream about it  
>but never schemed or counted<br>on fantasies or wishes-  
>it breaks a man to see what he misses<p>

So many nights I'd pray  
>for a better life, a better day<br>but I never thought that it'd come true  
>now that it's here, I don't know what to do<br>and I'm trying not to cry

(Spoken):

Ron: Hey Harry. Let's go get sorted. 

(Singing):  
>This must be how it feels<br>to have a home

*Instramental Break*

I've finally made it  
>I've hoped and I've waited<br>and for the first time in my life, I don't feel so alone

My heart starts to heal  
>to know that it's real.<br>This is how it must feel  
>to have a home!<p>

Sorting Hat: GRYIFFINDORE! GRYIFFINDORE! GRYIFFINDORE!

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, guys. I've been crazy busy. I'll try and update on more of a regular basis. Thank you :D**


End file.
